SOMEWHERE OVER THE BELTWAY 1

SOMEWHERE OVER THE BELTWAY

Ancient Tales from the Land of Nod 1

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away there lived a mighty king, who stayed in a very nice White House, with his lovely queen and two darling daughters. His name was King Barry the First O’Bama (black Irish, don’t ya’ know) and he was the most powerful potentate (gotta’ love the alliteration) in the wide world. Yet he was beset on all sides in the Land of Nod, for he was forever doomed to be stuck INSIDE THE BELTWAY.

The Beltway was the vortex in the Land of Nod, where all things good were sucked in, then spewed out in the form of onerous mandates, ethanol subsidies and Newtisms. You see, when the Founding Fathers, err founded the Land of Nod, they plopped the capital smack in the middle of a dismal swamp (which might explain why the Ye Olde Nationals play like toads). To said swamp, the Land’s governing hierarchy hied to and congregated, leaving the Land glad to be rid of them. Sticking them all in one place seemed wise, indeed. Unfortunately, they grew fruitful and multiplied (see John Edwards) and created a quagmire of such epic proportions that not even Cecil B. De Mille could do it justice.

This bog of bottom feeders had not been seen in human history since Roman times. These folk made names like Vandal, horde, and Visigoth sound like a walk in the park compared to what was found dwelling INSIDE THE BELTWAY.

You had Ogres, Trolls, Orcs, the 9 Dwarves, Fairies (seriously), Pixies, and Balrog’s (though those were mostly cab drivers), vassals (gotta’ watch the spelling there), serfs and assorted Leprechauns, banshees, sprites, gremlins and Episcopalians.
The governmental processes in the Land of Nod had been devised centuries before by the aforementioned Founding Fathers, who must have been on crack when they did ordain and establish the thing. In giving the King, the 9 Dwarves, the Ogres and the Trolls virtually co-equal governing powers the FF’s thereby assured that nothing would really ever get done. That might have been ok when it took six weeks to get from Philadelphia to Boston but now with Ye Olde Amtrak it only took five. Life moved faster. Government needed to act quicker, to be more responsive. Yet INSIDE THE BELTWAY, tectonic plates moved faster.

King Barry O’ knew he needed to get things done like last week if he wanted to keep his job, to say nothing of his head (the people of the Land of Nod were real sore losers). The last king, George the Dim ll….. had totally screwed things up. The economy was in shambles, Nod was fighting two wars they should have never been in, and the Prime Time TV lineups sucked. George the Dim ll was held in such low esteem that he could hardly get a book deal…and that was with Ye Olde Readers Digest.

Can good King Barry work his way out of the morass? Can he get along with the strange denizens INSIDE THE BELTWAY? Don’t fail to miss the next exciting episode of Ancient Tales from the Land of Nod in SOMEWHERE OVER THE BELTWAY.