SOMEWHERE OVER THE BELTWAY 10

SOMEWHERE OVER THE BELTWAY
Ancient Tales from the Land of Nod 10
Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away there was the Land of Nod and its king, Barry the First O’Bama. Fear stalked the Land of Nod. The Dreaded Deficit Default Dragon had the country by the proverbial gonads. King Barry had tried everything to slay the dreaded beast, making deals with the scurrilous, despicable beings that inhabited the fetid swamp Inside the Beltline, but to no avail.

There was only one entity that could save the day; and Barry O’ must bow down and worship before the feet of this deity, the closest thing to perfection (minus the weight issue) found in the wide world. The king must do obeisance to “she who must be obeyed” Empress Oprah the First.

Empress Oprah the First was a cross between Maya Angelo, Ella Fitzgerald (another black Irish), Mother Theresa…and Monte Hall. She was a saint, She gave whole studio audiences brand new chariots, her Scroll of the Month Club selections were bought by serfs and villains who’d never read a scroll in their lives (unless the scroll contained a fold–out of an adult nature), she was a license to print money.

The amazing thing about the Empress Oprah is that she had at one time been a Banshee, a humble member of the media (yeah, like anyone in the media has ever been humble), one of the multitude with two names. How had she become one of the pantheon of one named gods like Mohammad, Confucius, Buddha, Jesus, and Elvis? How had she evolved to godhood?

Who cares? Just know that she had. Empress Oprah was all that and a bag of chips. She was as close to omnipotent as one could be without being Lady Gaga, plus she had helped King Barry become Nod’s ruler in the first place (along with Sir George of Sorus, assorted socialists, communists, the lamestream media, and the Knight’s Templar). Empress Oprah could help Barry O’ defeat the Dreaded Deficit Default Dragon with one wave of her magnificent (though rather fleshy) hand. But what would she want from the good king in return? She had it all: fame, wealth, free dental, what could Barry give her that to her was beyond price?

Remember King Barry’s attributes: smart, good looking, hot wife, cute kids…sweet left-handed fade away jump shot…hmmm….King Barry’s task was clear. Teach Empress Oprah the shot and she would singlehandedly lay low the Dreaded Deficit Default Dragon. To help, King Barry called upon another deity, His Airness, Sir Michael of Jordan. His Airness gave the Empress the latest Nike’s (in pink – hightops – she loved them) and Ye Olde Hanes Underwear (which she gave to Duke Stedman the Bland) and proceeded to teach her the move King Barry had made famous.

Empress Oprah got it down! She mastered the move. Delighted, not only did she take out the Dreaded Deficit Default Dragon, she also solved both Ye Olde NFL and NBA issues so the seasons could be saved, which most Noddiens thought far more serious than the BS about the deficit.

So King Barry got what he wanted, saved the nation, looked like a hero, and lived happily ever after….until the next crisis….coming soon to a blog near you on Ancient Tales from the Land of Nod in SOMEWHERE OVER THE BELTWAY.