SOMEWHERE OVER THE BELTWAY 8

SOMEWHERE OVER THE BELTWAY

Ancient Tales from the Land of Nod 8

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away there was the most powerful nation the wide world had ever known, the Land of Nod and its king, Barry the First O’Bama. He was young, good-looking, hot wife and cute kids, a nice palace and a sweet left handed fade-away jump shot. Yet unless he could figure out how to save Nod from its enemies both foreign and domestic, he would be forever doomed to be stuck INSIDE THE BELTWAY.

To save Nod, King Barry needed buy-in from all the disparate entities that made up his government, Trolls, Ogres, Dwarves, Banshees, Pixies, Fat Cats and Muggles. In this endeavor, he had so far succeeded. But what was the plan, Stan? What REALLY would save Nod from the looming doom? How would King Barry defeat his arch nemesis…the Dreaded Deficit Default Dragon (yes, alliteration rocks)?

First he must “put everything on the table” (the latest media buzz phrase) and convince the Ogres and Trolls he meant EVERYTHING. No whining about entitlements or tax increases or the philosophies of said. The Dreaded Deficit Default Dragon didn’t care just as long as it got its ceiling raised to contain its growing bulk.

In the past, the Ogres and Trolls, both Left and Right Handed, had automatically raised the ceiling to allow the beast to grow, as that way everyone made a buck…err campaign contribution, wink, wink, nod, nod, say no more (my thanks to Ye Olde Monte Python for their gracious contribution).

But times they were ‘a changing. A new creature was threatening to alter the playing field, to end the status quo. That creature: the Tea-Bagger – genus extremis norquistis nascaris Tea-Baggers were a faction of the Right-handed Troll and Ogre caucuses. Their body politic was skewed so far Right their hands wound up positioned on their backs, which meant they could only look backward to see what they were doing. This seemed perfectly logical to many a Right-handed Troll and Ogre, who approved of the Tea-Baggers. And especially the shekels, rubles, ducats, and Benjamin’s provided to agreeable Right-handed Trolls and Ogres by good, common, salt-of-the-earth Tea - Bagger folk like Ye Olde Koch Brothers and Sir Roger of Ailes, grassroots, don’t you know.

Tea-Baggers wanted to shrink the Dreaded Deficit Default Dragon just like everyone else, but on their terms, period. And were apparently willing to wreck the agreement King Barry had so skillfully and arduously crafted, if they didn’t get their way. Yes, they were going to take their ball and go home.
King Barry’s first thought was to simply feed the Tea-Baggers to the Dreaded Deficit Default Dragon (and let’s face it, no jury in the world would convict him). But that wouldn’t solve the problem (though things around Nod would be a lot less noisy). The Dreaded Deficit Default Dragon must be defeated once and for all. That meant getting Right and Left-Handed Trolls, Ogres, Dwarves, Banshees, Pixies, Fat Cats and Muggles, plus the wayyyy Right-Handed Tea Baggers all to do the next right thing for Nod…monkeys flying out of King Barry’s butt was a far more likely occurrence.

What will become of good King Barry and the Beltway denizens? Will he somehow overcome enormous obstacles to slay the Dreaded Deficit Default Dragon? Tune in next time for of Ancient Tales from the Land of Nod in SOMEWHERE OVER THE BELTWAY.